work

I'm working hard at being entertaining and friendly and encouraging in work. It used to come so naturally, and just be part of who I was - a bit of banter, funny stories, quick retorts, confidence boosting. I'm trying to keep it going at the moment, and the times it comes off right make me realise how unfunny and fun I've become compared to how I used to be. It takes an enormous amount of energy that I just don't seem to have anymore - now it's all effort. I'm too tired, too stressed, too sad.

Now when I manage to turn it on, I'm watching myself from outside it, trying to remember how to make it real. Acting.

My poor students.