Sunday, June 22, 2014

My grandmother had another stroke this morning, a big one. The doctor gives her hours or days... she's been unconscious all day, her breathing stopping and starting. I hope, that this is it, that she won't wake up and be frightened and confused. She's very peaceful now, I hope it stays that way. She has been alive almost 97 years, it's time for her to rest.

I'm sad, in a way all the same. As her niece said, it feels unreal, her imminent death, in this unusual blue-skyed heat. I know just what she means. She has been a fixture in my life. A constant - she has always been there. She has been here for 97 years. It's amazing, really. I think it is her time to go, it may have been long ago... I want her to be unafraid and trusting. I want her to let go.

The minister was called - I thought he might do last rites, or is that only Catholic? Excuse my ignorance. I thought my granny might wake up and tell him to get out of it, but apparently she's asked him to pray the last couple times he visited. I like him, I must say, a kind, country man. Good at sympathy and communication, generous, and seeming to take his job seriously.

He put his hand on her cheek, and leaned in, and in a strong and gentle voice, said The Lord Is My Shepherd. It was surprisingly beautiful, and emotional. My mother's favourite hymn, that I included in my wedding ceremony for her and which her brother the sculptor made a beautiful illustration of, all in greens and yellows and blues, waves like hills and the sea. I'll get a photo of it for you if I can, it hasn't made its way onto the internet yet, unlike the public art. Maybe because it's in my father's house, I suppose! 


Ms. Moon said...

May her passing be one of peace and ease.
Oh Jo! This has to be hard for you in some ways. I know you want her to go if it is her time, but still, it cannot be easy.

Jo said...

It is odd. I think it's the change of it I feel sad about. Her not-being here. I also think it will divide the family a lot more - we'll have no reason to see each other. I will have to grow up and make a far bigger effort.

Sabine said...

I hope she will be at ease and go peacefully. Time to take care of each other.