Sunday, May 29, 2011

values

So today my daughter got an MP3 player and we went out to a little market thingy, where she got a cookie and a free tennis lesson she enjoyed mightily.

However, she did not get to go to the toyshop to spend her birthday money as her father was playing with his new van, and didn't have the car here, and I had a 2 hour grind to go to.

She was disappointed the day wasn't as good as she'd expected it to be. She's clearly my daughter.

I don't know. I'm torn. I want the kids to have great weekends too, but ... gah, constant entertainment and treats and adventures are a little beyond me right now. Magic beans, I need magic beans...



Saturday, May 28, 2011

old and left behind

Am trying to load boy band albums onto an MP3 player for Olivia. Axl's put loads of stuff on it there's no way she's going to like. I can't work out how to get stuff off. I can't work out how to put what I want on. I'm an anachronism. It's making me sad and frustrated.

a different approach



Here's an interesting view of a completely alternative culture to ours. Breastfeeding in Mongolia.


Friday, May 27, 2011

you wish you had my dinner tonight

So I went into work and didn't make lunch to bring with me because there wasn't really anything to make. And I was ... well, it was early.

So I went into work and ate biscuits.

Got home around 4ish and cooked the veggie pancake batter in the fridge. They were so good! God. My foolish children rejected them but I don't see how, they're gorgeous.

Normal pancake recipe, cup flour, cup milk, tsp baking powder, one egg  - but steam veg (in this case grated onion, courgette, sweet potato and carrot),salt and pepper too and blend and mix into the wet ingredients. Have with ketchup. So nice!

And now, burritos, so fucking yummy, I adore them. I confess (sorry Danielle) that I use a sachet due to laziness and lack of ingredients, but it still tastes so good... mmmm Old El Paso...

I'm feeding myself, as it were, finally. Apologies, self, for the biscuits.

Hmm. In the Irish Times this weekend, I saw a thingy advertising Eden restaurant lunch discounts - they're doing a starter and dessert for €10 dealie at the moment, probably because of the disruption caused by the unearthed Viking settlement on its doorstep. Funny, as I read it, my sister in law started rapturising about their fish smokies, and this is what the review says: Jeanne’s smokies are excellent, salty chunks of smoked haddock and plump cherry tomatoes all finished with cream and served in a shallow dish. They are a favourite starter, and a food memory she can summon at will. 


Which is exactly what my sister in law had just done. I was thinking about the joy of go-to food-memories, and I think burritos have to be v high on my list of them. But you know that. I never went to Eden, sadly for me, though I can live without the fish, I must admit. But maybe you knew that too... 

Thursday, May 26, 2011

tuirseach traochta

Means exhausted as Gaeilge. I learned that last week. And I am, tonight. Tá mé tuirseach traochta anocht.

I don't quite know why. I didn't get to bed before I was crackered from exhaustion last night. I got sore itchy eyes for some reason, all red and owy and itchy and they're sort of bloodshed and blotchy still now, one got scraped and had that big jelly blob on it still this morning, you know the way. I hope you know the way. They feel like they're made of crinkly, pointy cornered paper. I feel like I didn't sleep at all, like I'm in the middle of the bad baby-sleepdep. And I had seven hours sleep. I don't know what's wrong with me.

I am so tired. I was falling asleep in work today. I had a strong coffee this evening and it hasn't made a jot of difference. It must just be getting up before 7 am offends my system. I mean, 7 am is prefectly civilised, but apparently I can't accept it. It offends me. So fucking tired! And pms-ful. I'm a mess. My back hurts. Whinemonawhingesobgaaaaaaah.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Olivia woke up this morning all a-joy and said, with delight, 'I'm eight!!!' We've had a great party, I made a great cake with help from my head artistic designer/consultant and we had a chipper dinner to celebrate National Fish and Chips day, even though all the fish was sold out.









I'm sorry, I know I should take some of these out, but I'm toooo tirrrrred!! So sleepy. Could sleep right here on the desk. I do love these angry birds though. No one ate the pigs, but the birds were devoured. Everyone at the cake too, several people had multiple helpings! That's a first. I was glad because Olivia ordered chocolate, and then I made vanilla sponge on auto pilot, and nearly put the batter in the freezer even though you're not meant to, and then I thought fuck it and mixed in cocoa and milk and a bit more sugar and it was extremely tasty, hurrah. I didn't even do a layer. Just a block of cake, with buttercream on top. And Aaangry biirrrrrrrds!

And then I saw this, from today's protest against supermarket price and buying policies by the farmers, and it has truly made my day.

(Pl
Pic Leon Farrell/Photocall

Oh, the milk. The sandwiches! The full mouths and starey faces. I just love it. Go farmers! Just don't go anywhere without a hang sangwich, you need to keep your strength up! 

Sunday, May 22, 2011

three steps to a classy date. wine, please!



I just found this ever so cute three steps to classiness post - right click to open in a new tab and enjoy. Tee hee.
1. Open this in a new tab
2. Then open this in a new tab
3. Then open this in a another new tab
Now grab a bottle of wine, sit back and enjoy…and remember, stay classy ;)

banging head off floor

Just got a mail from exam coordinator saying he has no corrections for me as they need someone to do both papers. No suggestion that I might have done both papers - have no idea why, I was anticipating both papers...  Feel queasy with crossness and fear about the money I was counting on and this summer's lack of income.

2 mins later I get a text from the kid I was giving grinds to say he didn't need any more - assures me he's learned all he needed to know in 2 weeks.

Gah. What's the third thing? Am quivering in my woolly sox.

Fear*


Caption says "Inmates at this London debtors' prison in the 1800s were allowed to beg passers-by for money through the grate in the wall." 
A mercy!

Saturday, May 21, 2011

seed

maggie, still breaking my heart, even if it was in February

suburban gardens





Neat terraced gardens
Bean rows and sweet pea
Well tended lawns
Birdsong
Everyone picking snails 
from their vegetable patches and flower beds
And throwing them over each other's walls




Thursday, May 19, 2011

best of both worlds


Ahh... but once you've had the baby, you find the moustache comes along as well, as a twofer... 

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

sophistication

Ok, that last post may be a bit involved to capture anyone's attention. Bloody blogger making the quote look twice as long as it is.

Here's something more digestible, maybe.

Olivia will wear one, and only one pair of jeans. She has one nice dress she likes that she will put on a couple times a year. The fit seems to have taken her tonight, and she spotted a tiny ring my grandmother made years ago, I'm not sure who for, me maybe? It's a tiny, child's ring. I offered it to her before once or twice and she dismissed it, but today it caughter her interest, for some reason. In her pretty dress and nice ring, she looks quite the sophisticate compared to the usual unaccessorized jeans and t. My little lady :)




This one's more childlike, though - I had to take another - her hand looks  too like mine here :) 

connectivity

I am in awe of day to day miracle that modern technology has grown into. The human mind that can make possible digital communication, the internet, wifi. Now we can contribute to better global human rights, we can connect with people all over the world, we can run our televisions through digital boxes that need no wires... I look at the phone in my hand I'm playing Block'd on, and marvel at the casual use of this high tech wonder we all hold in our hands every day.

It amazes me. Intimidates me.

And part of me thinks, isn't this an age old human story, man's fear of his own creativity, his longing for power, and the downfall it brings when the invention gets out of his own control? The Sorcerer's Apprentice, Frankenstein, Pandora, A Space Odyssey... oh. I just went searching for more examples and found someone has written it already.

My thoughts are on the discussions of the dangers of wifi, both queried and dismissed in equal measure -of the high rate of cancer amongst the gardaí, who all work under communication masts, of children in schools beside them all day. Of nuclear waste in our seas, in our rain, epic disasters in Chernoble, and Japan, even problems in England that people understate, hush up. Holes in the ozone layer, sick children. Cancer, cancer, cancer. Could we live without plastic? Can we live with it?

I came across an excellent essay on our pollution of the world, and ensuing toxicity of the placenta and breastmilk. Life threatened at its most basic stage. I know dolphins are dying because their mother's milk carries so many pollutants - why assume this isn't happening to us, too?



Heidegger diagnosed the dangers of technology not as a problem with the tech-
nological implements, but with the basic attitudes and limitations of modern human 
beings:


The threat to [humans] does not come in the first instance from the potentially lethal 
machines and apparatus of technology. The actual threat has already afflicted the 
human being in [his or her] essence. The truth of enframing threatens human beings 
with the possibility that it could be denied to them to enter into a more original revealing 
and hence to experience the call of a more primal truth. Thus where enframing reigns, 
there is danger in the highest degree.


The insidiousness of chemical technologies is that they operate on the substructure of visible and temporal experiences: they cannot be directly experienced and they 
appear in the food chain long after their makers have died. In this respect, chemi-
cal technology functions on the “occult,” i.e., on the hidden spatio-temporal level, 
of our organic being. The “danger” in Heidegger’s sense lies in the “enframing” 
control that we apply to the micro-organismic level without understanding the con-
sequences of our manipulation. I am reminded of Goethe’s poem, “The Sorcerer’s 
Apprentice,” in which the apprentice uses magic to animate a broom to fetch water 
for him, and the broom brings more and more water into the house. Not knowing 
the magic words to break the spell, the apprentice breaks the broom only to have 
now two brooms carry water into the already flooded house. 
 In his later years, Heidegger came to understand the challenge and promise of 
technology as the possibility that humans might reveal the world in a new and more 
truthful way:
The essential unfolding of technology gives man entry into something which, of himself, 
he can neither invent nor in any way make. For there is no such thing as a man who 
exists singly and solely on his own.


keeping watch over the unconcealed and the concealed is the possibility and the call 
of the project of technology. The saving power arrives alongside the danger when 
human beings understand that there is a transcendent dimension beyond human 
control. We don't exist singly and solely on our own. The placental imagination 
challenges us to widen our scope beyond the human being and grasp our existence 
as entwined with the forces of nature and the invisible web of relations between 
human and nonhuman beings.



It's a good essay, worth reading if you have time, you can find it here. It does not conclude optimistically, however.

I have been derailed by finding other people's better elaborations than mine on this topic! My basic point? We're amazing, but we're all fucked. Moving too fast, bunching priorities in the wrong places, failing, failing to notice what else we sacrificed, what we are made up of and how we're affected, in spirit, in flesh. 

Ask not for whom the bell tolls, children. And  don't call me paranoid for being suspicious of chemical laced shampoo and pesticides. 

Like the sign on the new road where I grew up said,


Tuesday, May 17, 2011

tuesday

Why? Why? In these days of high fuel bills and global warming and no fucking money, WHY WOULD ANYONE GO OUT AND LEAVE THE TELEVISION ON? WHY???????????????????


In other news, I have drunk a cup of Pugh Erh tea, walked in the warm day (only a few drops of radioactive rainage, mostly sunny), come home, had water, now porridge. Then will work.

Tús maith leath na hoibre.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

I'm sort of in love with this idea :)


spanikopita

I love that blogs exist.

On my birthday, my friend made me spanikopita triangles that we all devoured (even Bodhi, but Olivia wouldn't try 'em, sadly, though hey. more for me). They were so tasty delicious. I bought filo and spinach and feta yesterday on a whim, and I was just looking up some recipes, as said friend appears to be off gadding about in the sunshine, not sitting at home online, the horror.

And I came across this wonderful blogpost, which is far richer than just a recipe, and which I immediately, before I even got to the recipe, thought I'd share.

I ♥ bloggers. 

Saturday, May 14, 2011

today...

I had a suggestive dream about root vegetables and weddings. Stupid subconscious, telling me things I already know.

I had a job interview that was more of a brief info session and chat, and now I have paid employment for the month of July, and a vague hope of more in September. Anyone need my rarified baking and English teaching skillz in August?

I went to the car boot sale in Enniskerry in the hopes that it might be a good place to go with a bake stall, but ... it was lovely, on the grass, big trees, pretty church, but hardly anyone there. No kids, they're all off doing riding and elocution lessons and whatever else privileged country dwelling children get ferried to on a Saturday morning. Sad, it's so nice. Am tempted to go with a little bit next weekend. We will see.

Went to Superquinn, bought a nice cooler bag for picnics and possible cake sales. I meant to get one last year, and they were all sold out - it was a little bit more than I should be spending, but they're twice as much in M&S if that makes it any better. Hmmm. Ok, maybe it doesn't work like that. Still. Years of use. Etc.

While there, Bodhi asked for orangutans. Orangutans?? You know, the white ones. Took me a while, then,

OH. MERINGUES.

Alrighty, then.

I'm glad Blogger is back.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

OH NO

angrybirds on the computer!

Whatever you do, don't start playing.

And I knew that. I really did.

Blogger is acting the see you next tuesday today, I wonder if this will post? You better hope it won't, if you're anything like me. But of course, you're not. You're safe. I'm certain of it. 

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

this just popped into my head




I'd prefer to put up the album version of this... but ... there isn't one to be found, so this extended version will have to do :)

in my dreams...

I can do... the things I dream about doing...



Lana Chun for Rag & Bone Sp/Su 2011 from Fred Lee on Vimeo.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

curse of the supermarkets

I'm afraid this won't play outside Ireland, as you haven't paid a tv licence (ahem).

But a very good Irish programme about food supply and eating habits, health and the future of Irish food. It's a grim prospect, really - sad that we're buying ourselves out of producing our own food and beckoning a health crisis. It makes me feel defeated and resolute in equal measure, but I'm going to stop buying processed meat for the kids. Nitrates = bowel cancer :(


Monday, May 9, 2011

oh lord

I'm on hold with my job, and they're playing my wedding music at me. This is what I get for going mainstream...


Freud would be so happy

I walked in to Axl's room this morning, where Bodhi was having a snuggle and a watch of Jumanji, sans pj pants. 'Look!' he called, a devious grin on his face, 'I took off my jammies!' He threw back the covers and wiggled his hips, singing, 'Willy Willy Willy'.

Then he sang 'Me and Axl have willies, and you do-on't!'


I told you so



Sunday, May 8, 2011

little lift

I'm finding it really hard to have any self belief these days, with all the fear and fuck ups and failure and lack of prospects. But I just gave an English grind to a sweet, over-achiever girl who's lost her nerve a bit and is uncertain how to approach things like composition writing.

So we went through a process, and she learned how to think differently, and how to structure and shape things, and by the time I was leaving, she was all enlightened and excited and ready to sit down and have a go herself. And I left with that buzz, that feeling of success and of something having worked really well. And the knowledge that I am good at this, I do have something to offer, if only I could get the chance to do it for a living. I like it, I care about it, I just wish I could have the chance to do it more often.

I know it works both ways, I know how the bad days when nothing worked feel too... and that really, you should probably ignore both ends of the experience and not believe your own hype any more than you should believe yourself a failure when it goes wrong. Still, it was good to affirm that little bit of talent again. 

oh! Things...

I had a pleasant dalliance at the Avoca Cafe the other day, with my lovely friend. And saw many things I coveted, like a silver rose ring, lots and lots of lovely socks, a sweet little cream vase with birdies on it, a mug painted in blackboard paint you could chalk on, with a glazed coloured strip around the top, and this.


This book is HUGE, it's really big, and the photos in it are truly wonderful. It's the first coffee table book I've seen in a long time that I actually wanted. The photo I posted about the other day, about someone's husband, these are all like that. Of her husband and their children, some lovely ones of John and Yoko and other icons, all taken with this exquisite, sweet eye. I like it. I think I'd look at it a lot. 



good question

"How come we're not allowed eat at the computer but you do all the time??"

Well might she ask, I just dropped a baked bean on the keyboard.

Shhh!



Saturday, May 7, 2011



I don't know why but this rain is unsettling me. Making me nervous. It keeps gushing down, the pelting, pouring noise suddenly part of my consciousness, on and off. Clothes out on the line for three days.

I go to bed, listening to it, loving the cosy comfort of being in bed while it drums on the roof, reducing the world to a small, warm room, a duvet covered island. I imagine what it would be like to share that little, safe world with someone warm. But then I wake in the night to the sound of it, half frighted, from anxious dreams.

And then I look at everyone walking around in it today, as if it wasn't carrying radiation to us, they were unafraid. But then I saw someone smoking, and remembered, that really, how little we care about prevention, only cure matters, no matter how we do it.


Friday, May 6, 2011

I drank one glass of wine and three Cosmopolitans, which came to a 1/4 bottle of vodka and some Triple Sec, I suppose. V tasty. Waiting for the hangover still, but who knows, maybe I've got away with it, and the fat in the cupcakes soaked it all up? Or the antioxidants in the raspberries?




Vanilla Cupcakes with raspberry-vanilla buttercream and a raspberry in the middle!















I have to work on the rose swirls, first effort!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

unpleasant

I feel... bad. Today I, meh, I annoyed Olivia's teacher through the inappropriate action of opening the class room door and speaking to Olivia in the middle of the lesson. I'm a problem parent, I do things that I think are ok without checking to see if they're actually considered ok. I can't really ask for anything for Olivia anymore because I've done so too many times. No being special in primary school. Olivia doesn't try to get her teacher's attention anymore because she too, has clearly asked too often, and now her teacher says 'What!??' when she does. So she's stopped. We asked too much, Olivia and I. I wish we could find a school that we fitted into, that could give us what we need without irritating anyone or putting them out. I am aware that that school clearly doesn't exist. I'm not quite sure how to teach my daughter to be happy with the status quo when I am so clearly at sea in it. I feel bad. I've done something wrong, but I'm not happy with the system and I'm not happy with the idea of just shutting up and taking it. Yet, I don't know how to deal with it in a way that doesn't cause more problems.

And I feel bad because my mother in law insisted on giving me money for my birthday today. And a kiss. When after her little outburst at me, I was so relieved she'd forgotten/ignored it. I don't want her to give me birthday presents, I'd far prefer if she just let me look after my own children when they hurt themselves in her house, and didn't treat me the way she did last weekend. I would have loved to say that to her, but I suppose that would be petty. Unnecessary. So instead I have some money I don't feel I should have. And a bad feeling. 

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

night, summer



Tonight I slipped out, to run a ten minute errand, leaving sleeping children cuddled under duvets in the near dusk. The wind had dropped a little, and the air was balmy warm, if not still. A little reminder that it's still Spring, not summer, nipped freshly in the air.

It stirred the smell, the smell of summer nights though, that one you know if you grew up knacker drinking under the canopy of leaves down small, tree-lined country lanes. That smell of ripening and promise, of salt and sex and pollen in the air, the hint of fertility, a midsummer night's dream. Tiny drops of rain the leaves would shield you from, no better place to kiss, breathe in beer and smoke from someone's lips while the rain pit pattered harmlessly above. Summer shelter. 

ent.ment

Check out Emer and Andrew and their latest posts of delight. 

Something pretty, for D. 


strong women

I was reading an article about Michele Obama a few weeks ago. Some Republican sexist racist had said some appalling things about her. Reprehensible things. Whatever about the racism, I suppose that's just ... well, it's going to be there, but then there was this paragraph.


The first lady works out in the White House gym several times a week, jumping rope, kickboxing, running on the treadmill and lifting weights. No one complained when Jackie Kennedy wore sleeveless sheaths, or when Hillary Clinton donned shorts on summer holiday. But Michelle Obama’s muscular body conveys a power and sensuality that critics find unsettling. When Obama bared her arms during one of her husband’s speeches to Congress, political commentator David Brooks was quoted in the New York Times as saying: “She’s made her point. Now she should put away Thunder and Lightning.”


Ok, she's a strong woman. She's tall and she's fit. It seems that's not what we aspire to after all? I read that bit out to my mother in law, who, it seems, completely agreed. She was uncomfortable, mildly repelled, by how big, and strong Michelle Obama is. I can't remember her exact words, but she doesn't like it. An Amazon woman in the White House? She didn't like her insistence that her husband reserve family time for his family if he was going to run for president either. Cracking the whip, eh? An outspoken, active woman who protects her family's interests in the White House? Hilary Clinton was no retiring violet, but I suppose being blonde and blue eyed and petite lets you get away with being assertive. 


I know it's not fair to suggest that the views of a septegenarian woman are representative of the wider public, but is what she wanted a Barbara Bush in a twinset and pearls and helmet hair? No, she didn't like that either. But I suppose it's less threatening than this current version. This real, strong woman who cares about children, and their health, and her own family. This woman with opinions and priorities, this woman who dances



PS click the last link for great video.